"Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?" I found myself singing this the other day. While I’ve seen "Friends" (I didn’t grow up AMISH, ok?), I’ve never seen this episode. However, watching it after living through nine years of NYC open mics, I find it oddly relatable. 

Jem is, apparently, truly outrageous.  She also likes fashion and fame, I think, judging from the theme song.  Not only have I never seen this show (to be fair, I was 3 when it went off the air) but I had to Wikipedia it to find out if it started with a “J” or a “G.”  It’s “J.”

Apparently, nobody puts Baby in the corner.  I wouldn’t know.  This is a reference I’ve been pretending I understand since my days on the varsity dance team in high school.  Don’t worry, though; I have seen “Center Stage.”

From dear reader raging-apathetic:

"Joanna, please tell me your sad lack of pop culture knowledge does not extend to the Goonies!"

Oh it does, my friend. It does. I’ve had people get visibly angry and yell at me, “Well, don’t BOTHER seeing Goonies now! IT WON’T BE THE SAME!” You’re right. You know why? Because I’m pretty sure it’s stupid, and you all saw it when you were also stupid. But we’re smart now. Use your brain for something else.

Can anyone following this Tumblr guess if I watched “Saved By The Bell”?  If you guessed “Yes, Joanna, I’m sure you spent your normal, well-adjusted early 90’s childhood watching television like everyone else,” you haven’t been reading very carefully.  Tip to my fellow PBS-only cohorts: this quote, performed super dramatically, is a surefire hit with your gay friends.

Nope, never seen “The Sandlot”.  I always thought this was from “The Never Ending Story,” which I did see once, but it was in a YMCA daycare, so the subtlety was lost.

I don’t think I ever watched “Captain Planet,” and I honestly don’t think anyone else really watched “Captain Planet” either.  Yet, I know that whenever it comes up (which is shockingly often) the appropriate response is to timidly put my fist in the air and say, “…heart?”  Gets a laugh every time.  I don’t know why.

I don’t think I ever watched “Captain Planet,” and I honestly don’t think anyone else really watched “Captain Planet” either.  Yet, I know that whenever it comes up (which is shockingly often) the appropriate response is to timidly put my fist in the air and say, “…heart?”  Gets a laugh every time.  I don’t know why.

I actually have seen “Super Troopers”, but I didn’t memorize every FREAKING LINE because I’m not a 15 year old boy.  Therefore, I had conflated “The snozzberries taste like snozzberries” with “It tastes like burning” and thought they were both from the same episode of “The Simpsons” which NEVER MATTERED because you can quote them in the exact same situations.

I was only allowed to watch public television as a child.  In 1998 I was in 8th grade and was busy wearing a vest, singing in show choir, and trying to steal my best friend’s boyfriend (who was best known for playing the accordion).  I did not watch “The Simpsons”, and I do not understand what this quote means.

I never watched “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”.  I have no nostalgia for “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”.  Yet I am regularly expected to know EVERY SINGLE WORD to the theme song from “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air,” to the point where I can recite the first several lines simply due to peer pressure.  This is a stupid thing I am supposed to know.  This tumblr will feature other stupid things I am supposed to know.

I never watched “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”.  I have no nostalgia for “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”.  Yet I am regularly expected to know EVERY SINGLE WORD to the theme song from “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air,” to the point where I can recite the first several lines simply due to peer pressure.  This is a stupid thing I am supposed to know.  This tumblr will feature other stupid things I am supposed to know.